rebecca 
Some couples are in a child-free marriage by chance, while others are by choice. Successful marriages are not solely defined by the number of children the couples have. This kind of setup may be confusing and unacceptable for others, especially older people. But choosing this way of life is not a sin. This does not make them selfish or bad. According to a study, 1 in 4 couples chooses not to have children. This result surprised the researchers because they did not expect such a large number of couples to choose to be child-free.
There are a number of reasons why couples do not have children, but whatever their reason, one thing is certain: they are not selfish or bad people.
They are biologically unfit to conceive.
One of the reasons married couples are child-free is because of fertility issues. Either both of them or one of them is unable to have a child. This clearly hurts them, but they must accept the fact that they cannot have one. IVF and surrogacy are always options, but they are expensive. Adopting is also possible, but it is meticulous and not cheap. These couples are still trying to defy their diagnoses and are hoping to have one sooner.
Having children is expensive.
All couples with children would agree with this statement. Even if they only have one child, they must work twice as hard to provide for their child’s basic needs, the best education, and a comfortable life. The Statistics from Brookings shows that the average middle-income family with two children will spend $310,605 to raise a child born in 2015 up to the age of 17.” This could increase every year, and the sad part is, people’s income barely moves.
Parenting is not their strongest suit.
Some married couples who choose to be child-free believe that parenting is not for them. Parenting is exhausting. It does not get easier with time. You must always be there for them while also working hard to provide them with the life they deserve. Some people may have had traumatic experiences in their childhood that make them fear for their children’s safety. Others simply did not want to be parents. Remember that being a parent is not a requirement for marriage.
They want to do more things as a couple.
Many married couples now prefer to spend more time together than with their children. They want to travel the world, go on extreme adventures, or start a business. They think that it is best to continue getting to know each other and eventually grow as individuals and as a couple. If they want to have children at the early stage of their marriage, they may not have time to travel or explore their relationship.
They have other responsibilities.
Sometimes, married couples are child-free because they have other responsibilities in life. They are still paying off a sibling’s college tuition or a parent’s hospital bill. They feel that they need to attend to these obligations first before taking the next step in marriage. It would be extremely selfish and thoughtless of them if they pursued having a child. They know that at this point, with their other responsibilities, they cannot afford to have any children.
It is what their partners wanted.
Child-free couples choose this path because it is what their partners want. They want to respect their partner’s wish not to have one yet. They may want to have a child now, but if their partners are not on board, they will wait for that day to come. This is why therapists recommend that couples discuss serious issues like this one before getting married.
Mindshift Psychological Services offers couples therapy near me or marriage counseling for couples who are having a hard time living in a child-free marriage. Whatever the reason, having no child can take a serious toll on anyone. They need help to process this and accept the reality of their marriage.
To learn more about us, please visit our website or call (714) 584-9700.
